I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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