How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
