is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
