Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
