Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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