Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
