was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
