I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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