So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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