dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Enjoy the penises
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
