I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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