I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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