Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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