You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
