You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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