his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He better not be in your backpack
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
