I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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