So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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