I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
