it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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