just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
