420 ftw
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
