If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
