I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
