You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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