hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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