i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
