I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
