His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
