Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
