Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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