I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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