Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
