I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
