I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just cut my nipple shaving
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
