did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
