the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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