hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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