Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
