was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
