idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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