sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
