3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Randomize
