i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
