I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
