Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
