I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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