I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Someone shit on the floor
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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