rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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