so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
